26 joys

Wew…

My birthday is coming around that corner again.. again another year older none the wiser. I still cry at random stuff, still get mad at days i never want to, tears drop when i yawn, still wishing for john llyod even if he has now ruffa, still fall inlove with all my heart sans head…

My 26 years of life has been the meanest enemy and the greatest gift.

This is one of the happiest birthdays that i am looking forward to. Spend it with my loved ones. Probably eating ice cream (my comfort food) and free lechon chicken (hehe ambisyosa). My little brother saying we are gonna drink the night away with jr lapad haha..

I haved always had this weird feeling that life will not be that long for me. I dont know many simply saying im hallucinating or something. But I do feel that and I am very very thankful that i am still here..alive, happy, healthy, heartily heatlhy… theres a nice feeling into it.

so im taking my time in a countdown of random things in my life.. things im grateful for, things im wishing well, things this lifetime has blessed me, pained me but  most of all kept me believing..that this has been the BEST 26 years a girl could ever have.

26. Ice Cream and my kiling kiling – my ultimate comfort food.. it always make my toothache, headache, fever and HEARTACHE go away.. to selectas classic strawberry.. thank you so much to manong who delivers kiling kiling ice cream each day sa office. for 10 pesos.. hay manong youre the best!

25. Flip flops – the greatest invention of all (wala akong masabi)

24. Kings of LEon and The Scripts – for my ultimate pangtanggal pagod music.. know what everyone should listen to their albums. naku naku talaga.. sweet..

23. MAGE’ – Eloisa, Diannah, Golds, Dane, Nico and Eugene – You guys have been with me almost 5 years ago..  and have been with me now. You have made my life here in manila so much easier thank you for being just always a text away and for the lasting friendship … may multo man o wala (ewww eugeneeeee multo dawwww).

22. Daddys High Blood Pressure , Mama Miles thyroid problems, Lola’s artrithis, Lolo’s Diabetis – because i have an excuse to choose the food that i eat and enjoy those that make me pleasurably guilty.

21. Peanut butter, Oreo, and Nestle fresh milk – Iyas favorite… it makes me smile when i see her devour these stuff.. makes me wanna be 5 years old once more no cares (dont even care if you get soooo fat!)

2o. Lassenga Ladies – for making me LOL all the time. for dancing the night away, for eating endless fatty food, for unbelievable aux jumps and for all time kiling moments.

19. NEW MITSHUBISHI STRADA or MONTERO SPORT – aw… im getting this.. haha

18. Miann and Tonet – for being my sisters

17. Ruffa Gutierrez – for making my John Llyod fall in love (huhu)

16. THAN – for being mine

15. MY 4 boys: KUYA DON, Joshua, Shammah and Shalom – Aint i the luckiest girl in the world?

14. chico and delamar top 10… everyday for the past 6 years.

13. MY EXES (hahaha) for being my very very good friends till now.. some good things just never last but i appreciate you (char – matouch naman kayo dyan!)

12. All my dearest friends – you know who you guys are.. there are a lot but i appreciate you being part of my life..

11. BAYANTEL – for unlimited calls to davao sunugan ng linya for making me feel that my family is never away.. i swear by bayantel

10. SUN CELLULAR – kahit putul putul gives me enaf to say endless i love yous …

9. MIMAY – you know ate has never been with you since what happened but ate loves you very much beh, i love you and i appreciate you being so much like me or not hehe.. love you baby very much

8. MOMMY – kahit away bati i love you

7. Laptop for making things like this possible (oh yeah and the internet) thank you!

6. Monthly girly cramps, PMS and all out dysmenorrhea – makes me think how wonderful it is to be a girl.. kasi masakit sya eh

5. Mommy and Daddy – well me and dad, you know me i know na grabe man ka OA inyo tanaw nko love gihapon ko ninyo (salamat dyud)

4. LOLA – my lola is the greatest joy in the universe I love you la, thank you for your love and your prayers.. i miss you and i will be spending my birthday with u.. till the next 15 years!

3. Ingettero at Ingeterra – dahil sa inyo ang ganda ko hahahahahah

2. IYA – kasi kalaro ko sya lagi at kasi tagalog nadaw sya daw ngayon bukas bisaya naman

1. God – for all the 25….

on songs, on love, on love songs

Its coming.. valentines i mean. days to go.. and no matter how you feel yourself outgrowing the tradition, when you see hearts strings on each department store windows, when everyone around you is mushy and sticky (hehe), or when you open up windows after windows of hotel availability booking last minute reservations for sex craved travellers (haha).. cant help but be infected with the fever..

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My pretty friend cyrus and i are compiling our favorite mushy and songs .. cy has the mushiest taste sa kanta hehe ang sweet.. heres one.. it has a local cover done by nina and a foreign singer (which we both think is dedicated for me.. no further comment please)

I’M NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
Frank Stallone & Cynthia Rhodes
(V. Dicola/Esposito/F. Stallone)

I need to know someone
Who’s warmer than the sunshine
Could be that you’re the one for me
Ooh, you touch me deeper, darling
All my emotions’ starting
Come to me now and you will see

REFRAIN:
That I’m never gonna give you up
For someone else’s love
Never gonna let you go
And lose the one I love
Oh, tonight…tonight

Some people never know the
True magic of the moonlight
You give me everything I need
Woman, you really know me
Anticipation’s growing
Come to me now so you will see

REFRAIN:
That I’m never gonna give you up
For someone else’s love
Never gonna let you go
And lose the one I love
Oh, tonight…tonight

Ooh…ahhh…oooh
Forever we’re together strong, ohh
Together here, forever here in love
Never gonna give you up
For someone else’s love (you’re mine forever)
Never gonna let you go
And lose the one I love
Never gonna give you up
For someone else’s love (no I’ll never, no)
Never gonna let you go
No one else’s love

Never…never…
No one else’s love
Never…never…
No one else’s love

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4 Years ago, when i started blogging, it has been my tradition to describe what my valentines would be.. most of them was quietly spent with family hehe(kasi pag valentines talaga either Harrased ako or ang dapat na ka date ko). So i decided for a change this year im gonna be straining my neck to blog about what i think and feel about love this time, this part of my life.. (SELF CENTERED AKO I KNOW)

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When i was younger my dad, used to buy me flowers and my mom for valentines.. mine would be a miniature version of her long stemmed roses. When i turned 17, my family was blessed with another baby girl (so much for being the unica hija for 17 years!) so daddy stopped giving me roses ( i dont know if wala na syang budget for 3 girls or he resigned to the fact na may iba ng magbibigay sa akin). Hindi naman ako na bigo.. meron nag bibigay ng roses so far till i had to move to manila ..

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Ever since i moved here it is always more of a mature valentines. No longer do i desire flowers or chocolates.. more of companionship.. out with friends.. enjoy the single life.. enjoy the dating field, iba na.. this has been my outlook na sa buhay these days.. Masaya palang maging at peace sa where youre at..

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-today-

Now that i have my bestfriend as my boyfriend ahem. It has been a constant remembrance how understanding more is better than loving more. Always better to have a bestfriend than a lover. Always better to hear the truth but measured in love. I even realized that sometimes the best conversation is “silence”. And so far it has been a solid, loyal and annoyingly sweet relationship. Mind you di ako nang iigit- all of my dear friends know how my daily struggle is with my wafu.. but its all worth it naman eh.. we are both happy and that is all that matters.. grounded ang relationship so far so good;

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You ought to know by now
Love is the look in my eye
Lovin’ the way you smile when I say
“I wish you would stay”
You bring out all the youth in me
I laugh and cry out all the truth in me
Out of love
You should know by now

Haven’t you felt by now
Just what it’s like to be loved
Knowin’ that certain touch when you’re sure
Time won’t give you more
You bring out all the best in me
I wanna hold you till you feel t he need somehow
You should know

That if I could just find the words
I wouldn’t be left so lonely
I’m your one and only
Then I’d show you how

Every move as smooth as silk
Say you will
Baby, say you will

Hasn’t it crossed your mind
Haven’t you known all this time
Honestly tell me now, has it shown
How much love has grown
The way I tremble at the sight of you
I wanna learn to love you through and through
This I’ll beg
You should know by now

You should know by now…
You should know… by now…
You should know I love you
You should know by now

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buffalo chicken wings sunday

yumm yumm humm humm

Because of our soo sooo soooooo busy scheds. Alcris promised me a sunday treat.. he will be cooking from scratch buffalo chicken wings. Iya asked me what that is, and i briefly explained its like the cow and the chicken ata… i said (so what kung jologs ako i dont care)

Well apparently its that hot hot hot chicken wings.. in that cheezy sauce, i cook but mostly filipino and chinese cuisine i have by heart and i havent had the time to check what exactly the buffalo chicken wings are.

So we went on grocery shopping at megamall, for the ingredients, chicken wings of course, tabasco sauce, hot sauce and cheese cheese cheese.. Im happy to let you know that as usual even if sya ang chef ako naman ang bitcera sa groceries i pointed what i wanted.. we ended up buying fries (which is bawal for me) and ice cream (bawal for me and iya too), alcris ian ended up almost exasperated at how many bawal i wanted..

Una naming nilafang ni iya ang half gallon na cheese ice cream.. ICE CREAM. Dun ko nadin pinasawsaw ang fries… Iya said this is not good for us we will have tummyache and sipon.. I said ice cream gives us happy feelings therefore its medicine. Alcris frowned at me “HALA SIGE TURUAN MO PA NG KALOKOHAN YAN!”

After two hours of watching tv, eating like theres no tomorrow, tickling each other and “cotton” our new puppy. Nagluto nadin si chef.. as usual sya ang chef ako naman utusan.

Ok lang we really had fun after so long na nabusy kami ng sobra. It is always fun to stay home, enjoy sundays and each other.. nakaka de-stress nakakawala ng pagod.

Its always sane to have a happy, healthy and loving family.. and i am always thankful that i have my own little one.. even if the three make it four (with the arrival of cotton) have so little time to spend with each other these days.. its all worth it knowing that you have them..

happy sunday.. oh its monday now. hehe

his take, her take

What better to do during a lazy afternoon, when you get too mushy rubbing four feet together saying i love yous?

Let me share how productive my relationship with my better half is..

“I need to interview you..” I said while gently poking at his tattoo on his left shoulder. “Hmm.. for what? Celebrity na ako?” he answered eyes closed.. “Siguro..” I said smiling at the thought..

I gently pulled up my mobile phone, there recently downloaded from cyrus and gaed Beyonce’s If i were a boy (remixed) feat R kelly singing if I were a girl. “Wafu, listen to this please and tell me what you think” i asked him still poking at his koi tattoo..

I know wafu was not that interested in listening to any songs lyrics (at si beyonce pa!!) but he did siguro for the sake kasi magiging celebrity sya ulit (hehe.. mahal ko talaga tong taong to! ikaw na gid!) heres how the “INTERVIEW” went:

If I Were A Boy (Remix) (ft. R. Kelly) Lyrics

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
and I’d never get confronted for it
cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

Her take: If i were a boy.. id be the perfect boyfriend for my girl but this is a classic gender war. Never ending; nothing new. All we girls are asking is you guys to treat us better.

His take: We would love to treat you better, but in the norms, guys will always be guys. Men will always be dogs.

- Men will always be dogs. Aso. Iro. -

- You can expect us to be LOYAL. But sometimes, we cannot be FAITHFUL –

Now there is a difference between faithfulness and loyalty.  A Dog for example, might wag his tail around, show everyone just how lovable and huggable, he will let anyone touch just about the tip of his nose, so as much as to lick for the goodies prepared for him.. BUT when the real master arrives.. the dogs’ loyalty will bring him to go back to where he belonged.

 Her take: No fair, not logical we expect as much loyalty and faithfulness as we offer..

His take: IF YOU WERE A BOY, then you would understand..

If you were a boy
then girl you’d understand
you need to stop listening to your friends
love, respect and trust your man

So I go to clubs with the guys
and sometimes flirt with the girls
I should be able to roll out
as long as Im coming home to you
and give you the world

But you are not a boy,
so you dont have a clue (ey)
How I work and pay the bills
girl everything I do is for you (eh eh)

His take: COMMUNICATION, not unless girls will know how to listen not unless men know how to listen. This is nothing new, ever since the start of the world it has been always a question of trust and communication.

Her take: That part where you should be able to do what you want as long as you go home to us.. do you think that is fair?

His take: It is.. you should understand what makes a man and what makes a boy.. a man would have all the flings but his home is where his heart is. A boy is sometimes reckless in communicating which is love and which is infatuation. Bear in mind that infautation is always a notch higher than love. Youll always be illogical when you are infatuated you tend to think you are inlove. But that as again what separates a man from a boy. If they are ready to sort the feeling of real love from infatuation, the one that they really love has nothing to worry about.

I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a Boy (Beyonce)

If I were a Girl (Kelly)

I would turn off my phone (Beyonce)

I wouldn’t play games (Kelly)

Tell everyone it’s broken
so they’d think that I was sleeping alone (Beyonce)

Girl you know thats wrong (Kelly)

I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,
waiting for me to come home, to come home.

But you are not a boy,
so you can’t understand
You are not a perfect woman
and I am not a perfect man

I’d listen to her (eh eh)
Cause I know how it hurts (Kelly: and I know how you feel)
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

Kelly: Said Im sorry

It’s a little too late for you to come back

but I cant let you go
cause Im too attached (Kelly)

If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong

But you’re just a boy

His take: Given ang example na ito: When someone cheated on you girls, you decide to let go of the relationship, even if your guy promised you that he will do what he can to fix everything.. sino sa tingin mo ang talo? Don’t you think that if you really love the person and you gave up just because the guy did a mistake that he would promise never to do again pinahirapan mo lang sarili mo.? Bear in mind mahal mo ang tao, bakit hindi mo ipaglaban ang love mo na yun? It would be so much easier to pick up where the pieces all started to fell, rather than start all over again and all by yourself hoping for the best.

Her take: You think innocence is bliss?

His take: I think what someone need not to know, they need not to know. Inaamin naman ng lahat ng lalake sa mundo na minsan there will be “unfaithfulness” but again let me reiterate na iba yon sa “loyalty”, given na ang fact na talagang ganun ang guys. Why bother hurting the one that you love, that one that you are loyal to by spilling the milk? Flings, crushes, kisses, exciting lang lahat yun but we men will still crave for stability, sino ba naman ang mga fling na yan kung i kukumpara sa taong mahal namin talaga?

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Her take: In the end all this makes me think is a relationship really worth it then. Parang naglalaro lang parang wala lang yet we bank so much emotion, time, energy and love. On my end naman, people in a relationship bank will always give too much and yet we expect all kinds from that other half too..gusto ng suklian lahat …but then again it takes two to tango.

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My FINAL TAKE: being in a relationship does not require each half to give 50% each to fill out that 100%… give out your 100% no matter how small the other person gives.. you love him/her so therefore they dont deserve that 50.. Bank on all that emotions, even if there is pain .. because after all he is just a boy and i am just a girl. I may never understand his take, he may ponder and wonder on my take but thats it in the end what you both banked on will bring you to that real love that youve always prayed for. Again like that we will never be perfect even in that perfect relationship.

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PS. .. sabi ko , again, if i were a boy even just for a day, ang girl ko ang pinakamaswerteng girl in this world! sabi ni wafu, ah ako if i were a girl even for just for a day… hahawakan ko ng hahawakan ang boobs ko at aabusuhin ko ang sarili ko..

tsk men.. ok lang love ko parin sila hehe.

if only we were each other but were not so papacute nalang kami

committed to a life of loving

I got engaged
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“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.’ – Mother Teresa
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When I was in 5th grade, IAN (Christian) a classmate left 3 cupcakes on my desk with a card saying ‘will you mery me?’ I gave the cupcakes to my yaya who ate it with much gusto, the card was made into a scratch for my math problems..

Three days ago, IAN (Alcris Ian, no they are not related) made me rethink about my life, laughed with me over a joke and suddenly asked me to marry him.. in the course of the conversation it just popped out of him, or maybe he was thinking all about this before. I thought about my life, where tears after tears were shed endlessly, where heartaches felt that they are never gonna end, where everything seemed to be a trial and error.. It is amazing how I came into terms with myself and I become aware suddenly that there is someone out there other than me who is feeling the exact same feeling, thinking the same thoughts … am I really gonna be spending the rest of my life with this person?
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At the end of the conversation, after exchanging vows (was there ever a thing as engagement vows?) and after the giggling and laughing turned to crying and an incredibly romantic conversation, I felt I became a better person. What was ideal was never the ideal anymore, ordinary became extraordinary, I smiled in spite of myself, and felt that it was a smile that would only mean I am ready to commit and this time stick to the commitment. I was given the odds, end of the bachelorette days, gone are the days of non-stop beach parties with streaking for the heck of it, no more flirting endlessly, no drunk till you drop and wake up somewhere not familiar, in other words, since we are both mature adults who willingly commited, be steadfas be still and no ifs..
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I understood things now. That it is not just about LOVE, it is so much more that that.

TRUST, even when knowing that part of it will be lost  more of it will be gained most of it we just have to hold on to. BELIEVE, even in this changing world, it will all be for the better and that there is a lot more goodness in there than one can imagine. FORGIVE, when there are shortcomings, when patience is dwindling when it seemed hopeless. PLAN, the future holds a lot, dream, work on it and dream some more. LAUGH, have fun you got forever to share life with. BE HONEST, with each other (he specifically said, tell me when you’re hurting, tell me what to do to stop the pain when it hurts). BE FRIENDS, no let me rephrase BE BESTFRIENDS, for in the end when all else might not count anymore friendship will hold a very strong anchor to keep you from drifting apart. LOVE till it hurts.. cliche as it may seem it is really true the lessons that you learn at the end of the day will keep you who you are.
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It is only after this careful evaluation (believe me- to my wits end I did this) that I understood the meaning of fate.. I used to hate it knowing that I have no control over my life is frustrating, and yet when you love, you fall on all fours searching for an explanation, why, how, when , you can never question your feelings anymore such is fate when there seems to be no answers to your questions and yet you remain to love and you remain to feel loved.

I can say this with conviction now. For in this I found a faithful love and a loving bestfriend, who goes through the same things I am going through, who felt the same helplessness that I felt, who hides the same secrets and weaknesses. That love is something that you discover within yourself, whey you are finally ready and craving to share this and at that exact moment (of fate) you found the person you are willing to share it with.. it should be the moment of your total surrender. And by all means share it with a best friend ( I figured now, that you will never go wrong with a bestfriend).
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I decided to commit my life now and although I am painfully at the prime of my barkada life, it is all well worth it. I can even smile endlessly feeling very blessed indeed. I realized that I have learned a lot, and I am willing to learn more still. I have a life to share and a bestfriend to share it with, I even learned the value of money now (haha!) and yes ill be saving up (after all in a short while they will be more than him and I). I make sure i keep up with my promise and even put work and other things aside for him. It is with absolutely no regrets now, that I resigned myself from singlehood, and enter the life of honesty, commitment, faithfulness, laughter and love. And i am loving every minute of it too – super! -

-I GOT ENGAGED TO A SUPER KALOG PERO WAFU, SUPER KULIT PERO BAIT, SUPER CHICKBOY PERO GOODBOY NA NGAYON, MY SUPERHERO ALCRIS IAN PESTANES LAST AUGUST 1, 2008 AT EXACTLY 4:34 IN THE AFTERNOON-